The Sentinel’s Exam Survival Guide

It’s that time of year again: Exam Week. St. Luke’s students will lock themselves in their rooms, accompanied by Ramen noodles, two-day old pizza, Facebook mini-games, and a stack of notecards bigger than Sebastian Bates’ ego. With the stress rising, deadlines coming, and March Break looming on the horizon, it’s time for the Sentinel to come to our fellow students’ aid.. Hunker down by the fire, grab a hot cocoa, and let the Sentinel pull you through this rigorous time of trial. 

Exam Week is a marathon, not a sprint. Because of this, the Sentinel recommends that students follow its survival guide timely, completing each step in the two-week process.

This Wednesday: run (don’t drive) frantically to a nearby grocery store, math textbook in hand, pencil in mouth. You’ll need to grab the bare essentials for survival. It is imperative that everyone’s list of groceries has these items, regardless of allergies, pallets, and health issues:

  1. Double Stuff Oreos. The cashier will ask if you want to get single-stuff Oreos because they are on a 2 for 1 sale. Say no. The cashier is working against you, trying to sabotage your grade. You will appreciate the extra fluff.
  2. Coffee- wait actually get civet coffee. For non-coffee-snobs, civet coffee is a highly caffeinated, all natural, and incredibly tasty blend of Madagascar coffee beans and civet dung.
  3. Easy Mac. It’ll hit the spot when you’re four hours into the night and have memorized 156 out of 194 biology notecards, and as you swear that the “phospholipid bi-layer” does not actually exist and you find yourself questioning evolution.

Thursday: Resist the urge to turn on the Xbox. Pretend that you left all your notebooks in your locker and you can’t do any work.

Friday: Spread all your notes around the floor in your room. Lie on them and make snow angels as you cry softly.

Saturday: Sometimes a change of scenery can help in the process. We suggest Dairy Queen. Order a Blizzard. Ask the employees if they know what the Wilmot Proviso is. Resume crying.

Sunday: God took this day to rest. Do you think you’re God?!?! Keep studying!!

Monday: Skip the Advisory Conference with your parents. This is not the time to think about your future- if you fail your exams, you won’t have one anyway.

Tuesday: High School skip day!

Well, there you have it. We have given you the tools for success. But, the most important thing is to try and not get distracted…

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL51A3D1CEAF24256C

Ben Decatur, Sports Editor, Ian Corbet, Arts Editor, and Will Bloomer, Staff Writer

Posted by on February 27, 2013. Filed under School News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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