Now maybe this is just paranoia, but if you listen close enough, these songs will leave you questioning the innocence of the holiday season.
Baby It’s Cold Outside:
“Say, what’s in this drink?” Is that a joke? Seriously, this is the kind of stuff we’re warned about in health class. And it gets worse. Here are some actual lyrics: “My sister will be suspicious – Man, your lips look so delicious. My brother will be there at the door – Waves upon a tropical shore. My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious – Gosh your lips look delicious.”
Jingle Bells:
The original carol was written in 1944. It’s the same song we sing today, except for one very interesting verse:
A day or two ago
I thought I’d take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot
They don’t even try to hide it. The couple “accidentally” gets stuck in a bank, taking the perfect opportunity to have some alone time. This carol was written in the midst of WWII, when men could be shipped off to fight any day of the week. Well hey–might as well impregnate someone before heading off to war. Also, I’m sorry to whoever was unfortunate enough to be named FANNY.
Santa Claus is Coming to Town:
Nothing says “stalker” like a strange bearded man creeping on you 24/7. The subject of this carol has terrified my peers and I for a long time. The entire song is a threat. You screw up one time–ONE TIME–and you’re on the naughty list. The lyrics are creepy enough, but these would probably be more accurate:
You better watch out
And hide in a hole
He’ll reach down your throat
And swallow your soul
Santa Claus is coming to town
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